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This is also why it’s known as the “Peter Pan Syndrome” unofficially. We think that if one guy doesn’t work out than we can just kick him to the curb, and find ourselves an even better version of gentleman X.
We are men with egos, and we strive to be the best at everything we do because it was something we learned as closeted children.
The cherry on top of all of this, is that this usually happens in a big city, or at least some place bigger than the hometown we grew up in, where excess is welcomed.
It’s very easy to get sucked into all the fun, excess, and fabulousness that this new stage offers. It’s an age old tale that too many men get sucked into this world, and never come out. Gay men are beyond picky, and we feel like we can be because with social media the pool of possibilities feels endless.
Our social circles are full of these perpetual bachelors, who appear to enjoy their singledom, and constantly question why we are looking to settle down.
We all have a friend or two, who claims to love being single, but through candid conversations it become apparent he isn't addressing his deeper wounds from past loves and life.
Even if you’re able to find yourself not so wound up, there’s a good chance your gym, your job, your night out, or whatever is going to make you want to do what men are programmed to do, and spill your seed. Going one step deeper into the conversation about gay men and sex, we have to acknowledge how easy it is to find sex.
As gay men the testosterone levels are doubled in the dating world, and we are constantly playing with fire as we try to think with our brains and not our dicks. With “dating” app culture running amok, gay men by far have the easiest outlets to look for sex. All the “normal” expectations of our straight counterparts are a lot less expected, and we find ourselves craving the single life one day, and looking for the love of our life the next.
However, we often mistake the ease and casualness of the sex we can, and do have, as something other than what it really is. Thus it’s beyond difficult to meet someone we’re attracted to in every way, and keep our pants on. As gay men we grow up hiding parts of ourselves because gay still is considered different, and in a lot of places, bad.
Our insecurity is beyond high from all the shame we felt growing up, and even after we’ve dealt with it, it feels all too real when we are hurt again in the dating process.5. Because we held back from being authentically ourselves for most of our adolescence and the beginning of our adult lives, we get a chance to do it all over when we come out.
We get to test new waters, try new things, and explore a whole new world full of men, sex, drugs, alcohol, and it’s dangerous.
As someone who longs for love, I’ve tried to really analyze what it is that makes dating as gay men more complex, and this is what my personal history has concluded.1. We are first and foremost men, which means most of our libidos run high, but then add to the equation the fact that we’re dating other men, and bam.
I don’t care who you are, or how you identify yourself (Bear, Twink, Jock, Daddy, etc), we’re all constantly horny.
Add to the fact that a lot of our friends are single, and it becomes almost more normal to be single in the gay world than in a healthy relationship.